Would You Do It Again?

Would you do it again? This is a question I frequently get. The answer is a resounding YES! After so many years of wanting the old me back, I have come to LOVE the person I have transformed into, more so than the one I was before the addiction, the infidelity and the healing that took place. 

The person I am today would not likely make some of the same choices, but I could never be the new me, without the old me and the trials she faced.

So yes, I would do it all over again. 

Even the first marriage that ended with him in prison? Yep. First of all, that ending was horrible, but necessary. But I was gifted with the two most precious things in my life. My two sons. Nothing has been a bigger honor, than to be gifted the role of being the one to walk with them through their darkest days. And while I was far from perfect in doing so, my heart is profoundly grateful for the opportunity to grow and learn with them. 

Growing and learning. That is the secret sauce. While both require discomfort, both are a necessary part of maturing. 

 If you are a parent you know the stress of raising a toddler, wondering if they are growing and learning at the rates they are supposed to be. We are given a milestone chart and become anxious if we perceive that they are not where they are supposed to be. But unfortunately, healing from betrayal rarely comes with a milestone chart that indicates the collective opinion of professionals, so we can measure our progress. 

Measuring emotional growth is not as straightforward as measuring physical growth, as emotions are subjective and personal experiences. However, here are some potential ways you can assess your emotional growth:

Self-reflection: Take time to reflect on how you react to different situations and how your emotional responses have changed over time. Have you become more self-aware, more in control of your emotions, or more compassionate towards yourself and others?

Feedback from others: Ask people you trust for feedback on how you've grown emotionally. Have they noticed any positive changes in how you express yourself or interact with others? It's important to seek feedback from people who have observed your behavior over a significant period.

Journaling: Keeping a journal can be a helpful tool for tracking your emotional growth. Write down your thoughts and feelings regularly and reflect on how your emotional responses have changed over time.

Therapeutic progress: If you've been working with a therapist or counselor, they can help you measure your emotional growth. They may use tools like assessments or questionnaires to evaluate your progress and identify areas for improvement.

Remember that emotional growth is a journey, and it's essential to be patient and kind to yourself. It's also important to recognize that setbacks and challenges, while uncomfortable, are a natural part of the growth process. 

Would I do it again? Yes; And I would do it differently with my new wisdom. But I applaud the me I was before. She is a heroine. So brave. Such a risk taker. 

There is nothing in my life that gives a big reward without having a big trial proceeding it. I didn’t like the adversity. But I wouldn’t change what it taught me.